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Dear Keratoconus, This is how I feel about you.

Dear Keratoconus,

This is how I feel about you.

Every day I have to deal with you. You made me look stupid at work. I don't smoke, drink or use drugs, but I'm addicted to my vision. I love to see the beauty of nature, the stars at night, the smile my son is giving me, reading a book.

Every day you change my eyes. And the only thing that you offer is wearing the contacts that I can't wear, because my eyes can't take it. Even with high medication it is not possible to use them constantly. After wearing 1 year scleral lenses and using steroids, the inside of my eyes became a war zone. I tried different types of lenses, but unfortunately the only lens that will improve my vision is scleral. Life without lenses: my vision is 20/200 right eye and 20/400 left eye.

So there goes you again. You progress slowly like an animal sneaks up on its victim. You shake every vision I have and you cause a shadow behind every letter that I write. You left me misunderstood by people and took my freedom of driving my car.

Let's not forget about the lights that give me a sharp pain like my eyes are on fire. The headaches, because I squeeze my eyes to make a sharper vision to read. And why do you want to create light into a huge halo? What is that about? Isn't it enough that I can't see in the dark? I do understand the song 'Halo' from Beyonce now.

Did I mention the worries about my future as a single mom? How will I be able to work and take care of my son? After months of crying myself to sleep, I'm in the next stage which is being mad at you. Mad, because you make it difficult for me. I have to accept that I don't have control over you.

I have to learn to let people talk if they judge me for looking at my iPhone and ask me why I can't read a book but I do read a text on my phone.. Sometimes I want to punch them in their face. Especially if they say: Why don't you try laser or glasses? Breath..... 1, 2, 3...

Dear Keratoconus, I'm a fighter. And since you are trying to progress some more in my left eye I have to fight back. Cross linking! Will you promise me to behave after that?

Check out my new blog post:

Charlie Polak (Facebook)

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